KFC Euphemisms
by bonessasan
Summary: One Shot - Black*Star has a burning question for Soul and it can't wait. Even if he has to force an answer out of Soul while they're in line at KFC, that's what he'll do. Soul, made very uncomfortable by Black*Star's question, tries his best to not answer. Mostly from Soul's POV. A few "heh heh" moments if the author hasn't completely failed.


AN: So, this is the first thing I've written in something like a decade. I imagine it still has a little more polish than the stuff I've posted before but I still wouldn't call myself a 'skilled' writer. I realize that Soul and Black*Star may be a little OOC here but I swear I did my best to not let it happen. I'm only human . . . and for some reason I don't have as firm of a fix on their characters as I do with other, uh, characters. ^^; Anyway, I hope whoever stumbles across this enjoys it!

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It was one of those rare afternoons when the gang had been able to convince Maka to not go straight home and study right after school. It was Soul's turn to cook and he was feeling extra lazy; he told her she either had to come with everyone to KFC and he'd pay for dinner or she'd be left to fend for herself.

Truthfully it wasn't even the whole gang, just Soul, Maka, Black*Star, and Tsubaki. Kid had begged off, claiming that the deliciousness of the chicken didn't offset the lack of symmetry. Liz said she was on a diet and couldn't afford the calories and Patty said something cryptic about having a giraffe at home that would do just fine. Soul tried not to think too hard about what she meant.

Maka and Tsubaki were left sitting in a booth while the guys stood in line to give their orders. Maka had insisted after Soul failed to hold the door open for her like a gentleman but at least it was too early in the afternoon for KFC to be hit by the dinner rush and the line was fairly short.

"Hey Soul, you a breast or drumstick man?" Black*Star asked as they joined the line.

Soul scrunched up his face and turned around to look at Black*Star. The expression on Black*Star's face told Soul that the dark assassin was up to something.

"Seriously, man, which do you prefer?" Black*Star pressed when Soul didn't answer right away.

"What are you talking about? I thought we were getting the variety bucket so it shouldn't matter what I pref. . . " Soul trailed off when Black*Star started laughing. "Wait, are you talking about chicken or chicks?"

"Nyah ha ha! Chicks of course!"

Soul cast a surreptitious glance back at the table where Maka and Tsubaki were still talking. If Maka ever heard what he preferred he'd never live it down. She wouldn't let him after all the crap he'd given her over the years.

"I'm not answering that."

"Maybe you're more of a biscuit guy . . . unless you're . . . Soul, please tell me you aren't a corn on the cob guy!"

"Wait, corn on the cob? What does that mean?"

"You know, dude," Black*Star said, motioning to his crotch.

"That's a really lame euphemism, Black*Star." Sighing and scratching under his headband he quietly replied, "Even though it's not cool to reduce women to body parts, I'm really more of a drumsticks kind of guy." He had been for as long as he remembered having a preference. Come to think of it, it was around the time he and Maka first moved into their apartment that he noticed he even had a preference. But that wasn't something he was going to admit to Black*Star. Maybe not to anyone. Ever.

Black*Star's face was blank for a few seconds, then he practically yelled, "Seriously, dude?! Nya ha ha! I totally would have pegged you for a brea-" but was unable to finish due to Soul's hand slapped over his mouth. Soul quickly glanced over at the girls to see if they had noticed but they were still talking, not even looking in the direction of the line. They must have passed the outburst off as Black*Star being an idiot again. They wouldn't be entirely wrong.

"Quiet! I don't want this getting around, ok? This is so not cool," Soul muttered as he released his death grip on Black*Star's face but keeping an eye on the girls to make sure they hadn't noticed anything. "I'll just bet you're a corn on the cob guy," he muttered.

"Nah, dude," Black*Star said quietly, seemingly lost in thought.

The quiet answer, so out of character for Black*Star, caused Soul to look back at him. Black*Star's face had actually taken on a slightly pink hue. Strange. Soul didn't think it was possible for Black*Star to be embarrassed about anything. Black*Star quickly recovered and while squinting at Soul out of the corner of his eye said, "It wouldn't really matter which I preferred when it comes to Tsubaki, she's got it all. Only the best for a god!" in a smug voice. "Wait, haven't you always given Maka a hard time about not having big boobs?"

The line had moved forward and Soul turned around just long enough to move forward with it before answering Black*Star.

"Yeah. At first it was because I didn't want her getting any ideas that we'd be anything more than just partners. I thought she was too nerdy and abrasive. After a while it just became a habit."

Black*Star stared at him, the expression on his face one that Soul couldn't quite decipher. It was a cross between being about to sneeze and constipation. Soul could practically hear the gears grinding together in Black*Star's head. They needed oil in the worst way.

"You **_thought_** she was . . . ?" Black*Star finally said, putting extra emphasis on 'thought'. It was Soul's turn to blush. Black*Star seemed to choose the strangest moments to be perceptive.

"Yeah." Soul shrugged. "Anyway, you can't tell by looking at her but she straps 'em down," Soul said, hoping to distract Black*Star from thinking about how he felt about Maka. He cringed. Now Black*Star would be thinking about Maka's chest. Hmm, turnabout was fair play and since Black*Star wasn't a strategic genius, Soul felt fairly certain he could distract him in a way that didn't have him thinking inappropriate thoughts about Maka. "What about you? You said it doesn't matter with Tsubaki, but you haven't said if you prefer 'breasts or drumsticks.'"

"Well, since you asked, I'll tell you. A true god prefe-" Black*Star started saying loudly, but the line moved forward again and the gangly, greasy teenager standing behind the counter was looking at them with abject apathy since they were next.

Soul jerked Black*Star forward a step, bringing them to the counter. "Can we talk about this later?" Soul asked, trying not to sound desperate.

"Sure, dude. But don't think I'll forget, because I won't. I'm the man who's going to surpass the gods and I'll never forget! . . . uh, do you remember what Tsubaki wanted to drink?"

"Pfft, figures. I'm pretty sure she wanted a light lemonade and Maka wanted iced tea."

"Of course, I knew that!" Black*Star said, puffing out his chest.

Soul turned to the Greasy Teen and said, "We want the Family Feast with a light lemonade, an ice tea, a Pepsi and . . . " he turned to Black*Star, not knowing what he wanted to drink.

"Another Pepsi. And another 8 piece bucket, while you're at it." When both Soul and the Greasy Teen both gaped at him, Black*Star shrugged and said, "It takes a lot of energy trying to surpass the gods."

While their order was being prepared, Soul quietly said, "Even though Maka has great legs, that isn't what's most important. In the end the shape and form don't matter at all. It's the soul that matters, right?"

"I don't know how you came to have knowledge that belongs to a god and I'd hate to have to take you down for trying to beat me," Black*Star said with such seriousness that Soul laughed.

"You don't have to worry about that. I really only have one goal: to become a death scythe and stay by my partner's side."

"Yeah, man. That's my other goal," Black*Star said as they both looked at their partners.

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I had initially written more, but it felt more natural to end it here. Review if you feel like it. Or don't. It isn't like I can make you.


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